I immediately told my agent.
I told him before I even told my boyfriend and I immediately started to put a plan together as to how we were going to go about this. I at the time was still conflicted on whether or not I wanted to get an abortion. I had never been through one I didn’t know what it entailed. All I heard were horror stories from my girlfriends about how bad it was for them mentally after or even physically during the process and so I was worried about going through that. At this time I also voiced my concern to Derek about my mental health and slipping into a depression.
When I talked to my boyfriend he was very supportive. He told me whatever I wanted to do it was up to me as it was my body and that no matter what I decided he was going to be there 100%. I ended up having to cancel the shoot I had the next day because I was such a wreck from finding out that I was pregnant on top of hearing about August’s death that nothing in me wanted to be around people at work and hear them talking about a life that had just passed while I was contemplating destroying one that I just created with someone I loved. It was really difficult and very conflicting for me I’ve always wanted kids and to be a mom.
When I spoke with Derek about it he was very black-and-white. He said that he had been through many girls first pregnancies and abortions and that I had nothing to worry about and even joked about it. When I went to the doctor on Monday I found out that I was seven weeks along, which was way farther than I had anticipated. She informed me that I was showing early signs of an ectopic pregnancy which is basically when the fetus grows in your fallopian tube and has the potential to kill you. She told me to come back in 1-2 weeks so that she could look at me again to make sure that it was moving to its proper place. I informed Derek of this right after my appointment, he suggested to me on the phone that I wait until I shot out the rest of the month before I got the abortion. Now mind you when it comes to abortion if you wait past 11 weeks you have to have a surgical abortion instead of just miscarrying, which is a lot more painful and traumatic to go through. He suggested to me that in order to avoid kill fees and make money that I should wait to do anything at the time. I disagreed. I wanted to cancel my shoots sooner than later to avoid being penalized by a kill fee once again.
I even tried to reach out to MissaX personally since I had worked with her before. I truly didn’t want her to think I was doing anything to intentionally ruin the shoot she had planned for me that week. Her response made me believe that she had my back.
A week later I was shooting a scene when I started to bleed a lot. Worried, I told my agent because I had a live show the next day.
It didnt stop. I scheduled an appointment with my doctor immediately. When I arrived she told me that the fetus had not moved and that it was still growing in my fallopian tube‘s and that if I continued to have it in me any longer that the bleeding I was experiencing would worsen and I could potential die from internal bleeding. She advised me that I needed to have a medical abortion as soon as possible in order to essentially save my own life. I then and there took the shot and the pill that they administer to you which is basically a hormone blocker which cuts off essential hormones to the baby that keep it alive and you basically have a medically induced miscarriage. I informed my agent of what happened and that I wouldn’t have been able to make the trip I had booked at the end of the month to Wisconsin because of it this like I said originally. This was all two weeks before the shoot was supposed to even take place. Now mind you, this was also in December, it was the end of the year, my booking was right around Christmas time so talent was very limited. I was moving into my new apartment because my lease had just gotten up at mine and my boyfriend and I decided at the time that we were going to stick together and actually move in together. After telling Derek his main concern was when I would be able to work again.
So after telling my agent that I would not be able to work at the end of the month he informed me that I would be charged with a kill fee which essentially is a fee that producers give to talent when they flake last minute or are they fuck up their production and cost them money. The amount was appalling.
I had the time felt extremely betrayed not only by my agent, but by the company MissaX. I worked for her before she was also a female so I assumed she wouldn’t be charging me a kill fee for an emergency abortion that I didn’t even necessarily want to have at that time. I I was incredibly sick and weak the first week. I was throwing up and was completely bedridden had the worst cramps I had ever had in my entire life. I felt like my organs were twisting inside of my own body. Never once did Derek or anyone from my agency reach out to see if I was OK during this time they had seen it so many times before that my case just didn’t really matter to them. I didn’t want to argue with Derek so I conceited because I was in a vulnerable place. I paid the kill fee and put Missax on my no list.
I took a month off for my physical and mental health. I went to AVN. Went back to shooting. I was starting to feel like myself again. Around this time I found out that @MissKelliXXX was the person who ran our LADM Twitter account.
I informed Derek that I did not agree with her being in that position considering what she had done and that I was blocking the agency’s account only because of her.