I Stand With Adria: Pt. 1

adriaxrae:

2 ½ years Derek and I had a very good relationship. I always paid on time, I worked a lot, I was making him money he was making me money and everything was good. At that time in my life, I wasn’t going through anything really traumatic or life-changing other than the fact that  at that time was the backlash from my community back home recently learning about my career choice. Luckily I had enough people around me to support me and be there for me so going through it didn’t feel as hard as it actually was. I felt like I had found a second family. I had a low point my first year in and tried to kill myself in my apartment when I was alone. I never told anybody about it I thought that I was completely alone and that my family was never going to talk to me again. I didn’t know if I was going to be able to sustain life out here. I was worried because it is the first time that I was truly on my own half way across the country from everyone I ever knew. I didn’t tell my agency about it mainly because I was afraid of losing work at the time. I was really the only one making that decision I didn’t have a boyfriend at the time or really anybody to really even just discuss how I was feeling at all so I ended up treating it like I do with a lot of things and tried to forget and move on. I eventually rekindled my relationship with my parents which helped significantly my mental health went from almost breaking to feeling more confident in myself than I had ever felt before. The first time I had felt like my parents were understanding who I was and what I wanted out of life. After about a year of me and my parents being in contact with each other, things got better. I was working a lot, I was traveling, I had started to dance and really enjoyed it and not only that I was able to go home to my family and visit where I grew up and actually be accepted with open arms. As I felt that I was becoming more stable and becoming more of an independent woman myself I started to date again I did not date for two years I avoided all the male interest in me if anything was ever to happen it was always temporary something short, you know. I never really took interest in anyone because the last relationship I had been in was so bad because both of our mental health was struggling and it was really difficult on both of us so I promised that I wasn’t going to date until I felt like I was 100% OK with myself so that I could be the best person I could be with whoever it is that I decided to date. I eventually met the man I’m with now, and we immediately hit it off. He was on my agency’s no list so I only got to work with him one time. My agency decided to blacklist him for engaging in a social media fight with a girl from our agency. Once we started dating I was in the process of switching birth-control I had been on the Depo shot and was trying to switch to a pill instead when I ended up getting pregnant unexpectedly. The day I found out I was pregnant was the same exact day that August Ames had committed suicide. I remember only because I was sitting in a hotel in Florida, because I was down there shooting, and my boyfriend had called me absolutely devastated and informed me of August. It broke my heart because I had been where she was at year ago and I related to her feeling like you have no other option but take your own life. Later that night I went to CVS to grab some stress snacks for my hotel room and pick up some toiletries that I needed for the week. When I was shopping I saw a pregnancy test and thought to myself that I had a very late period that month and it was a little odd because that’s not normal for me. So out of sheer curiosity I decided to purchase a pregnancy test and take it just to make sure. When I took a pregnancy test I obviously found out that it was positive.

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